


Help from within

by Demise_Rim



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Abused!Draco, Abused!Harry, Gen, Good!Draco, Good!Snape, M/M, Self-Harm!Harry, Snarry is only implied atm, helpful!Snape, suicidal!harry, tags will change with updates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24696757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demise_Rim/pseuds/Demise_Rim
Summary: Harry is spiralling into a never ending fit of depression, he slits his wrists and goes a step to far this time. Lucky for him or not, Snape finds him and helps him, along with Draco. I’m shit at summary’s, like seriously this is my first summary. R&R help me improve.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Harry Potter, Harry Potter & Severus Snape, Harry Potter/Severus Snape
Comments: 30
Kudos: 77





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter, JKR does, I just manipulate characters for fun. I make no profit.  
> Rating: M  
> Warnings: self-harm, mentions of suicide, mentions of rape, abuse. Don’t like don’t read, it’s not super descriptive but still descriptive in later chapters.  
> Notes: FIRST FANFIC. Comment for help. I wanna improve. R&R. I do plan to continue with weekly/for nightly or earlier updates. I have school, a sport and a job to manage so I’m short on time but I love to write and will strive to update ASAP. Thnnx  
> NOT BETA’d sorry :(
> 
> D.R.

Harry’s POV 

I walk up the stairs to the astronomy tower under my invisibility cloak, just for some fresh air, who doesn’t like fresh air at 2am. I come up to the top and drop my cloak off by the stairs before walking to the ledge.  
I look out over the grounds and let my mind wonder. Let my mind wander to everything said to me. It’s your fault your parents are dead. It’s your fault Sirius is dead. It’s your fault. It’s your fault. And I know it’s my fault, I do, and I hate myself for it every day. Uncle Vernon speaks the truth as well. You’re worthless, you’re a freak, you don’t deserve a life. And I don’t  
I am worthless. I am a freak. I don’t deserve a life.  
I am worthless. I am a freak. I don’t deserve a life.  
I AM WORTHLESS. Great now I’m screaming in my head. What a freak, freaks don’t deserve life. Freak. Freak. FREAK. The words keep coming, and I pull out a bottle of vodka and drink, slowly taking away feeling.. leaving me numb. I don’t like the numb, I prefer pain. I need pain. I forgot my knife. Shit, shit, shit. I need pain. I want pain. I deserve pain. The bottle. I can smash the bottle. I ditch the bottle at the wall and it smashes with a loud clash  
“Fuuuck.” I whisper quietly. I hope no-one heard that. Hopefully the teacher on patrol is on the other side of the school. I grab the sharpest piece I see, and slide down the wall. Don’t forget to take off the glamours. In a haste I take off the glamours on my arms. Not realising I took them all off including the ones hiding Uncle Vernon's marks. I am worthless. I am a freak. I don’t deserve a life. I bring the piece of glass down against my forearm, about an inch below the elbow, the oozing red blood that forms in droplets almost instantly is a stark contrast to the already silver glowing marred arms in the moonlight. As I continue to cut my hand goes on auto-pilot and I make cut after cut, relishing in the pain and spilling quiet hisses out under my breath. My hand drops the glass, shaking to much to be bothered to hold it anymore and I look down at my arm to see the damage. Seventeen cuts of varying size and angle down my arm, covering the already scarred arms some more. Huh, it spells FREAK. (There are seventeen lines in the word freak in caps lock). At least my sub-conscience knows what I am. A Freak. I realise quite suddenly as I begin to lose consciousness that me A and K are a lot deeper than normal, my eyes start to droop and I give in to the feeling but not before seeing a black billowing cape enter from the stairs of the astronomy tower, heading straight to me.

Snape’s POV

This is a pointless duty it really is, I walk around the school from 10 ‘til 4, 6 HOURS OF MY TIME. For what? To make sure students aren’t out snogging in the corridors. Urgh, imagine coming across Miss Brown and the youngest weasley boy. (Insert mental image of ugly snogging of them). I did NOT just go there. See what a pointless duty. Im up on the 7th floor for god's sake, no one would be up here.  
Loud clash (oh no! What could that be. Lol)  
Umm, I stand corrected someone could be here, it sounded more from the astronomy tower tho. Oh joy. Kids to yell at, I guess I do get something out of this. I make way my up treading lightly as not to scare to the children before I yell. It’s nicer to see the look on their face when I scare them. As I reach the top I see none other than the Harry Potter lying against the stone wall blood pouring out of him, holy fuckin shit, how did we mess this up so bad. I rush towards him as I see his eyes droop closed. Madame Pomfrey will be asleep, I am a qualified medi-wizard but do I want to take him to quarters “ofc you do, you love him” my inner voice again. Alright my quarters it is. I rush down to the dungeons with the boy, well technically young man, who barely ways enough for a first grader and almost shout the password at the portrait leaving no room for discussion. As I put him down on my couch I realise suddenly with a painful stab of shock, his entire body is littered in cuts and bruises, and they look more than just self-inflicted. Shit, he’s abused, no wonder he was so obedient since the start of this summer. But why now some of these are years old. “something else must have happened” the voice comes again. Yay(insert eye roll) well I know that but what happened. Right Harry. Harry needs help. I can sleep potions in his stomach. I rush to my cupboard and search for what I need. Being a Potions Master comes in handy for once, apart from teaching dunderheads 5 days a week. I grab a nutrition potion, blood replenishing potion, healing potion, calming draught and a low potency dreamless sleep, just in case. I walk back out my personal storage room and into the living area to find Harry’s moved, if only slightly face the fire. He must be cold. I conjure a blanket and drape it over Harry’s pale and petite frame before spelling the first three potions in his stomach the calming draught and dreamless sleep can come later when I talk to him. I decide sitting in the chair across the room is optimal and ditch the rest of my duty’s first tonight. Why? Why would he do this? Why so much pain? Why turn to self-harm? Why? Why? “Why did you Severus” I shut up in defeat, for once what he said makes sense, I know why I did it why wouldHarry be any different. As he slowly gains consciousness around 6am I sigh in relief that it’s a Saturday. I will have to talk to him. He has no excuses either. It’s too stormy for quidditch. And there is no hogsmeade this weekend. I mentally prepare myself and occlude my mind for what’s to come when the boy wakes up.


	2. Help from within: again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Harry’s wakes up, will he talk or is he going to crash?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, second chapter, I wasn’t really sure how to continue on between it, so my transitions might be a bit iffy. R&R  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter, JKR does, I just manipulate characters for fun. I make no profit.  
> Rating:M  
> Warnings: mention of abuse, mentions of rape later, self-harm/suicide discussion this chapter!! You’ve been warned!  
> \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ READ THIS \/ \/ \/ \/ \/  
> “.....” normal dialogue  
> *.....* internal thought  
> ….. normal POV  
> {.....} inner voice talking back  
> __pov change__
> 
> D.R.

__Harry’s POV__

As I come to, I begin to hear the sounds of a crackling fire and a person drinking something? Maybe, my mind is still a little off from last night. Wait shit, last night. What happened last night? *I went to the astronomy tower, got drunk, cut freak in my arm, then what passed out? Wait no there was someone there. Black billowing cape. OHHH SHIT, Snape found me.* Hang on, I still don’t know where I am. I haven’t even opened my eyes, it’s bright I know that for sure, and quite warm, cosy really. I slowly open my eyes squinting the entire time at the light that assaults my eyes. It looks like a living room provided an antique looking one, a mahogany table and chairs, curtains that are a deep red darker than gryffindor colours by a mile are draped by the side of the fire I imagine there to cover it when not in use and a deep green around the room for carpets or other small things. I blink as my eyes finally adjust enough to look around without squinting and see none other than Snape sitting in a chair on the other side of the room.

“Hello, Harry” he says softly.  
I’m momentarily startled by the fact I as called Harry, I forgot to say hello back.  
“Morning, Sir” I spoke with a croaky voice.  
He nods his head towards a small coffee table and I see a glass of water perched on the edge. I grab it and drink the entire glass quickly, not realising how thirsty I really was.  
“Thank you sir, but I-I should be heading off”  
“Not so fast Po-Harry, we have a lot to talk about”  
“Please sir, no please, no!”  
“It is not a choice, you are at risk to your self!” Came snapes demanding tone.  
“I-I can’t please don’t make me” I whimper helplessly. *He can’t do this. He can’t. I can’t. I don’t want to relive this. No please. NO!* Snape must of seem my internal debate because he replies with a softness I’ve never heard.  
“I know it’s hard, I know you don’t to, but you have to”  
“NO!” I scream “you don’t know it’s hard, you don’t understand my pain.”  
“Maybe not,” he replies simply “but I certainly know how hard it is to open up, and I know the pain you’ve inflicted upon yourself”  
My face falls almost instantly. *Snape, Professor Snape, the most hated teacher of the school, the teacher I have a crush on, has been suicidal. AND is admitting it to me…*  
“Sir?”  
“Yes Harry?” He asks so quiet it’s almost a whisper.  
“Why?” I ask in a small quivering voice, afraid I’ll be yelled at or hit.  
“I was different, people didn’t like it, I was hurt and I just wanted the pain to end”  
“I o-ok sir I-I’ll talk to you” fantastic the stutters back.  
“Would you like to shower and change first I have a guest room with a small bathroom attached to my quarters” Snape said with a sharp voice but lacking his usual sneer.  
“Yes please” I stated stronger than I felt.  
And with that I headed to the bathroom, in order to attempt another ‘cleaning’ session.

__Snape’s POV__

Lovely the boy is going to have a shower, how long will this take, will he even talk to me today. A billion thoughts on of what could’ve happened there run through my head *neglected, starved, beat, raped? How far did this go, it’s clear he doesn’t want to live but is it abuse causing it or something else.*

I take my leave and head to the library may as well read till the boy’s done. {well he’s not a boy is he, he’s a man now.}  
*yes, I know just shut up will you* I pull out a book I’m currently reading ‘basilisk parts and uses’, but whilst I’m reading I can’t focus at all. I keep thinking about Harry. I can’t help but wonder what made him do it, I know anger and impatience will get nowhere though. *That I know from experience,* I think as I look down at my silver scars years old. I remember when I was in school, sitting on the astronomy tower ledge, at 15 years old, and who found me. *Lily.* my best friend Lily, the only person who could’ve stopped my attempt, was Lily, and she was the one who found me. *I should’ve jumped my arms were already bleeding* wow, my thoughts are morbid today. 

I hear the shower turn off upstairs and know he’ll be done in a minute or two, so I put my book away and wait. After about six minutes I realise my mistake. *i left a suicidal boy in a bathroom, a bathroom with razors and a mirror* I ran to the bathroom with my heart in my stomach. *If he died in my house wha- nope, he’s not dead it’s as simple as that, think reasonably.* I reach the door and open it in a hurry to see Harry lying in the shower blood running down his arms. As I look closer I see the scars create a word again. Really? Do words hurt that much? Well, what the word then, I grab a cloth and run so lukewarm water over it, before cleaning the excess blood off his arms. And the word i-is no, no way Lily’s son was NOT raped, not possible, but the evidence is there, there is no other reason for the boy to write ‘Slut’ down his arms.

I carry him to the spare bedroom, thinking he’ll be more comfortable than on a couch and head to my supply room for more healing and blood replenishing potions. I pour them down the barely conscious boys throat massaging it so the content goes down. After that I perch myself on the end of the bed and wait for him to either wake up or fall asleep. 

About 20 minutes later the boy’s asleep and I head off to get a calming draught and something to eat. This chat has been put off long enough. Especially with a stunt like this, we WILL talk when he wakes that I’m sure of. 

__General POV__

Harry continues to sleep in his bed plagued with the thought of Uncle Vernon and Dudley, whilst Voldemort laughs at him in his dream. And Severus is sitting in the library to distracted to read books wondering, *How did we all get Potter so wrong?*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter done, I know it’s shit and I completely ignored the talk, but I wasn’t sure what to do with it and I’m going to address it this week.  
> R&R  
> R&R  
> R&R  
> Also if anyone has a direction of where they want the chat to go or how much to be revealed next chapter. \/ Comment \/


	3. Help from within: Time to Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry wakes and the talk awaits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3!!  
> I’m sorry for this being exceptionally late. I have put in a note on my new updating schedule. It is gonna be a real slow process and I'm writing this for fun in my spare time more than anything else.  
> So sorry about the POV slips, sometimes I speak from Snape’s POV third person, sometimes first.  
> IF YOU KNOW ME DONT READ THIS FOR GODS SAKE it’s A. Slightly weird, B. Puts me up for criticism, C. Some of this stuff is from my real life (which I would for obvious reasons prefer you NOT know).  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter, JKR does, I just manipulate characters for fun. I make no profit.  
> Rating:M  
> Warnings: mention of abuse, mentions of rape later, abuse/minor self-harm discussion this chapter!! You’ve been warned!  
> \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ READ THIS \/ \/ \/ \/ \/  
> “.....” normal dialogue  
> *.....* internal thought  
> ….. normal POV  
> {.....} inner voice talking back  
> __pov change__
> 
> Without further ado I present Chapter 3

__Harry’s POV__

I woke up with no less sleep than normal, a whole 3 hours that weren’t plagued by nightmares. Upon realising where I was I wondered how I would get ready for school today. *Damn I’m stupid, it’s Saturday and the frickin afternoon* Ok so I’m not getting ready but I do need clothes to change into. I’ll have to ask Snape to grab my trunk. As I go to get out of bed and look for Snape, I hear three short sharp raps on my door. 

“Come in,” I say in a near monotone voice

__Snape’s P.O.V__

The alarms in my room go off letting me know the boy is awake. Placing my book on the bedside table and heading for the door to see him I realise with a flashback to last night that we may need calming droughts.  
After grabbing two from my personal stocks I continue through to Po-Harry’s room for the talk-that-should-have-already-happened. 

I knock on his door with three short and sharp but not rude raps. After hearing his timid but awfully monotone “Come in” I walk through to see a boy with extremely messy hair, and bags under his piercing green eyes staring at me with a mixture of so many emotions flickering over his face it’s almost impossible to tell what they were, however I’m sure distrust and shame were among them. 

“Morning,” I say in what I hope is a warm but nonchalant tone, “How’d you sleep?”

“As well as I ever do,” he replies wryly

Ignoring that comment for now and remembering to ask about it later on in the day I begin my questioning, the whole reason I’m sitting here right now.

“Harry.. are you going to talk to me willingly still, or have you changed your mind”

“No, I’ll still talk” Harry responds timidly.

*He is obviously still nervous then.* I think before questioning him on why he was at the astronomy tower. Something easy to begin with, something he should answer without closing up.

“Just, for some space I guess. The gryffindor rooms are so.. so bright, busy I don’t know almost to.. happy. I mean, it’s red and gold. Sometimes I just want time alone. Time to think.” P-Harry responds seemingly getting lost in his thoughts halfway through, as he blushes when he realises he lost track of what he was saying.

“What were you thinking about,” I ask softly in an attempt to coax him out of his nervousness, “It didn’t seem very good.”

“N-no. Not really, it was just.. things.. people.. or I, had said or done.. I guess, nothing too bad,” Harry replies.

Wanting to get to the deeper side of things he asks about where the bottle of alcohol came from? And how a 15yr old drank the entire thing?

“I b-brought the b-bottle from h-home,” Harry says shakily. “Dud-Dudley d-drinks and does.. drugs, I stole it from him.”

“What about how you drank it? Even if you did steal it you shouldn’t have been able to drink anymore than half without vomiting.”

“I d-drank a lot over the holidays.” Harry replies, keeping his answer vaguer than I would have liked.

“What about the.. cutting?” I ask as gently as possible.

“I-I don’t w-wa-wanna t-tell you” Harry says tripping over his words even more. 

*He must trip over words when he’s distressed or nervous* Severus thinks internally. “It’s alright you don’t have to tell me everything, but if you could, can you tell me why words?”

“Un-Uncle Ve-Vernon, he used to.. c-call me names.. a-and scream at m-me wh-when doing.. things.”

*Come on Severus, two options, press for answers or let it be. Well, you saw how ‘letting it be’ went last time…* “What things P-Harry?”

“H-h-he used t-to.. h-hit me, w-with.. his fists.. and a b-belt..” Harry says sobbing uncontrollably. 

Severus notices Harry on a borderline panic attack and in an attempt to calm him down puts a hand on his back. Not realising the full effect of the action until Harry shies away from the contact running to the corner of the room whimpering and curling in a ball. Giving himself an internal berating and cursing the damned muggles for doing this to Lily’s child he tries a different approach. “Hey, Harry it’s just me Se-Snape” Severus starts, “you’re safe, your away from Vernon, away from the Dursleys, you’re safe”

Harry slowly comes back as he realises where he is and calms down, allowing himself to be brought into Professor Snape’s arms as he lays him back down on his new bed. “Would you like to stop Harry, or do you want to keep talking?” Snape asks in a calm but slightly detached tone, not paying much attention to the present but more Harry’s reaction earlier. *a large reaction for such a simple thing, what could have done it? Obviously something from the Dursleys? Lingering back injury? Does Vernon clap him on the back or something?*

“N-no, I want t-to continue, g-get it over and done with.” Harry replies in a seemingly more confident voice than a mere ten minutes ago. “H-he used to.. g-gag me.. and him a-and.. one of h-his fri-friends from w-work would f-fuck m-me” Harry’s says as he begins to sob again. “And so-sometimes.. h-his f-friend.. t-that’s a-a cop w-would come. Th-they... w-would hand-cuff m-me to the b-bed….” As the boy broke down into incomprehensible words Severus let him know that was everything I needed to know and allowed him the reprieve of a calming drought. 

Telling him to take a thirty minute rest before starting the day despite the fact it was already 10AM and Severus was normally up by six, he wanted the boy to be comfortable. *Im sorry Lily, I screwed up, forgive me* He asks as a silent plea in his head. After that he left the room cloak still billowing behind him, to find himself breakfast and a good book to read for half an hour. Completely unaware of the fact the boy in his chamber was already asleep and dreaming about the Potions Master holding him whilst he cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 finished. Again I know it’s shitty, I’m a shitty writer, we just gotta accept that, I’m working on it
> 
> Chapter 4 is going to be either this talk from Harry’s POV or the continuation. I would prefer to stick Harry’s thoughts throughout this chat up. But if you want me to skip that chapter let me know(but if don’t care leave it plz I already started it), if not your normal R&R!!
> 
> Cheers D.R.


	4. Talk #2 Harry’s pov?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The talk from Harry’s pov

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CHAPTER 4  
> And in a reasonable time too!!  
> This chapter is the talk from HARRY’S POV, and again slips between 3rd and 1st, really sorry about that, it’s a habit, but I’m working on it.  
> IF YOU KNOW ME DONT READ THIS FOR GODS SAKE it’s A. Slightly weird, B. Puts me up for criticism, C. Some of this stuff is from my real life (which I would for obvious reasons prefer you NOT know).  
> Disclaimer: I don’t own Harry Potter, JKR does, I just manipulate characters for fun. I make no profit.  
> Rating:M  
> Warnings: mention of abuse, mentions of rape later, abuse/minor self-harm discussion this chapter!! You’ve been warned!  
> \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ READ THIS \/ \/ \/ \/ \/  
> “.....” normal dialogue  
> *.....* internal thought  
> ….. normal POV  
> {.....} inner voice talking back  
> __pov change__
> 
> CHAPTER 4…

__Harry’s POV__

I woke up with no less sleep than normal, a whole 3 hours that weren’t plagued by nightmares. Upon realising where I was I wondered how I would get ready for school today. *Damn I’m stupid, it’s Saturday and the frickin afternoon* Ok so I’m not getting ready but I do need clothes to change . I’ll have to ask Snape to grab my trunk. As I go to get out of bed and look for Snape, I hear three short sharp raps on my door. 

“Come in,” I say in a near monotone voice

__Snape’s P.O.V__

The alarms in my room go off letting me know the boy is awake. Placing my book on the bedside table and heading for the door to see him I realise with a flashback to last night that we may need calming droughts.  
After grabbing two from my personal stocks I continue through to Po-Harry’s room for the talk-that-should-have-already-happened. 

I knock on his door with three short and sharp but not rude raps. After hearing his timid but awfully monotone “Come in”

__Harry’s POV__ THIS BIT IS NEW

Snape walks through and sees me, staring at me almost studying and it makes sense with my extremely messy hair from bed, the bags under my eyes from lack of sleep, and the piercing green eyes I have that people think are a zoo attraction I swear. His face is guarded and if you weren’t looking close enough and knew what to look for you wouldn’t see the mixture of emotions like hope, regret and something that almost looked like happiness *but why would he be happy to see me* among them.

“Morning,” Snape says in an almost casual but stop inviting tone, “How’d you sleep?”

“As well as I ever do,” I reply with mock humour.

Seeing him let go of that comment for now I know I’ll be asked about it later. But I also know he must be here for more pressing reasons. I’m correct in my assumptions as he begins his questioning for this morning. I swear if they want to know something we should just play 20 questions.

“Harry.. are you going to talk to me willingly still, or have you changed your mind”

“No, I’ll still talk;” I respond in what I had hoped would be half confident but turned out more timid than anything else.

Snape then questions me on why I was at the astronomy tower obviously he thinks he’ll progress into this, I have to give him points most people just jump into the deep end and wonder why it went terribly. *If he continues like this I might put in an effort.* 

“Just, for some space I guess.” I say knowing he worded the question so I could tell any amount of information I was comfortable with, “The gryffindor rooms are so.. so bright, busy I don’t know almost to.. happy.” *Which is true they look so alive and happy and nothing like how I feel, the astronomy tower is stone and cool, dark, just like I feel.* “I mean, it’s red and gold. Sometimes I just want time alone. Time to think.” As I finish I realise I lost myself half way and went on a mini-rant, I feel a blush rise on my cheeks as I look up at Se-Snape. 

“What were you thinking about,” Snape asks in probably the softest voice I’ve ever heard him with. *Is he trying to be nice to me* I think as he continues saying, “It didn’t seem very good.”

“N-no. Not really, it was just.. things.. people.. or I, had said or done.. I guess, nothing too bad,” I reply internally cringing at my stutter.

Snape asks about where the bottle of alcohol came from? And how a 15yr old drank the entire thing? *Well I mean that’s easy*

“I b-brought the b-bottle from h-home,” I say still shaking slightly but thinks that it’s *Because I have a secret stash in the floor of the upstairs bedroom to forget when Uncle Ve- bad time for this* “Dud-Dudley d-drinks and does.. drugs, I stole it from him.” *That’s not exactly a lie, he is we’re I originally got it from*

“What about how you drank it? Even if you did steal it you shouldn’t have been able to drink anymore than half without vomiting.”

“I d-drank a lot over the holidays.” I reply, keeping my answer purposely vague because I actually went out and got smashed with a few other runaways or in my room after the Dursley’s had gone to sleep nearly every night. I know I’m a heavy weight by now, I just hope Snape doesn’t look into it.

“What about the.. cutting?” He asks, attempting to sound gentle and not entirely failing. *So now we get to the actual thing he wanted to know..I hope. Well, I refuse I’m not going to talk about it, I don’t want to, it’s personal!*

“I-I don’t w-wa-wanna t-tell you” I say, tripping over my words AGAIN. *pull yourself together Harry.*

“It’s alright you don’t have to tell me everything, but if you could, can you tell me why the words?” Snape asked, almost giving me a way out by not telling him but still telling him what he need to know. I’ll admit it’s smart 

“Un-Uncle Ve-Vernon, he used to.. c-call me names.. a-and scream at m-me wh-when doing.. things.” I stuttered whilst *Argh, gross disgusting, I don’t wanna do this, I don’t wanna do this* was running through my head.

“What things P-Harry?” Snape’s presses only slightly.

*I can do this. I can do this. Just talk, talking is easy. One word in front of another to create meaning. Just. Talk* “H-h-he used t-to.. h-hit me, w-with.. his fists.. and a b-belt..” I say sobbing almost uncontrollably. 

Snape must notice my onset panic attack because he reaches out to place a hand on my back, but as soon as it comes in contact with my skin. *I feel a slap although it’s supposed to be a warm gesture, “Get up, you worthless freak” Uncle Vernon yells as I’m dragged into memory upon memory of my Uncle.* I run to the corner and make myself small, curling into the tightest ball possible, and still crying and whimpering. In my haze of memory’s I hear a voice. I voice that’s not from 4 Privet Drive but rather Hogwarts, “Hey, Harry it’s just me Se-Snape” Snape starts, “you’re safe, your away from Vernon, away from the Dursleys, you’re safe” *If I’m safe I can come back, I’m safe, I’m safe* I chant in my head as I slowly come back down to earth.

As I come back I realise where I am and calm down, allowing myself to be brought into professor Snape’s tight embrace, welcoming the warmth that comes with it. The warmth I have so little of in my life. “Would you like to stop Harry, or do you want to keep talking?” Snape asks in a calm but oddly empty tone, I’m not sure what to make of it. *If I stop, we have to restart . If we keep going he could throw me out and say he doesn’t want someone as broken as me.* Tossing up between the two he decides to go through with it, less procrastination and lost sleep if he kicks me out.

“N-no, I want t-to continue, g-get it over and done with.” I reply surprised at how much more stable my voice sounds compared to how I feel. “H-he used to.. g-gag me.. and him a-and.. one of h-his fri-friends from w-work would f-fuck m-me” I say as I begin to sob again with new vigour. “And so-sometimes.. h-his f-friend.. t-that’s a-a cop w-would come. Th-they... w-would hand-cuff m-me to the b-bed….” I broke down into even more incomprehensible words and sobs as I tried not to relive Uncle Vernon's friend, Sergeant, that was what I had to call him, fucking me so hard I couldn’t sit or walk for nearly two weeks. Snape told me that I didn’t need to tell him any more and gave me a calming draught. Telling me to take a rest before getting up. As I fall asleep I see myself crying under a tree by the edge of the Forbidden Forest, and Snape walking straight up and sitting next me. Holding me tight against his side and letting me cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 finite!!  
> So now I’m not really sure what to do with the day, when he wakes it will be 10:30-11:00 and then it’s like does he  
> A.) go see hermione and Ron  
> -tell them  
> -lie to them  
> -bend the truth  
> B.) stay with Snape in secret  
> -leave the dungeons  
> -lock himself away in dungeons  
> -kept on dungeons by Snape  
> C.) tell dumbledore  
> -good!dumbledore helps Harry  
> -Evil!dumbledore plots for bull shit  
> -Manipulative!dumbledore sees it for the ‘greater good’
> 
> Let me know what you think, It could be something else entirely but that’s all the ideas I have and none have developed enough to stick so you guys choose other than that. Thanks for reading R&R. I will leave the whole option thing open for three days, after that I’ll start writing so.. hopefully and I do mean hopefully a chapter within 10-14 days. That’s my goal.
> 
> Cheers D.R.


	5. Update: request/info

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request

**  
Ok I need help, what the fuck is Harry doing when he wakes up, like I need something useful even just a filler chapter but I’ve written two drafts of different things. Hated them both and deleted them. I really don’t know where to go without sounding absolutely stupid. I also wanted to say that my updates are going to be when I can. School is a bitch. And I’ve had some issues with some friends lately but I will continue the story it will just be very slow and you’ll probably find one shots are more common.. if you have an idea for a one shot feel free to comment it down below or dm me. I am also on wattpad and fanfic.net if that’s how you can access me.**

**D.R.  
******

**Author's Note:**

> Ok umm, this is my first fanfic ever and I would appreciate it if you could comment with anything really, I haven’t written anything like this before and whilst some of it is coming from a personal POV some things here I’m going from stories not my personal situation, I don’t really have an idea of how the story will continue but I have a plan if nothing. So if you have an idea COMMENT IT!!
> 
> TBC....
> 
> Cheers D.R.


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